If there's one thing that you just can't do enough, it's practice killing things with your weapon of choice. Not only does it help sharpen your reflexes, it can really help blow off some steam after a long, hard day of dealing with assholes.

Melon

When we practice killing things at home, we will invariably choose to deal our deadly blows to things that more or less resemble our intended real targets, and also make a complete mess upon impact. Generally, people will use fruit - cantaloupes, watermelons and such - or low-priced electronic equipment like 13" black and white television sets.

Now, as you can imagine, the melon industry relies heavily on home killing practice. Don't let these hard-working families starve, people. I recommend practicing killing on at least 20 melons a week. You can either take or leave the television practice-killing. Please use your own discretion here.

I myself have practice-killed over 2500 melons in the past 3 years, including some exotic melons that I had shipped in just to practice-kill using deadly ninja shuriken.

I highly recommend a nice, sharp blade for your practice, as your friends will surely delight in the nice fruit plate you will be able to put together afterwards. You should also include grapes.

So, now you know how important it is to practice-kill things as much as possible - especially all types of melons. And knowing is way better than being an ignorant asshole.

Tiny Wight

(This issue of monster hunting tips with Tiny Wight sponsored by the Melon Grower's Association of America)

---

Comments (0)

Show/Hide comment form