Ethan Streaks for Hunger |
Friday, June 09 2006 | |
This past Friday, Deadites bass player the Reverend Ethan Magloofabits was scheduled to run nude laps around the First Church of the Drunken Bastard and its surrounding wooded trails in an effort to raise hunger levels amongst starving children. “Why won’t those stinking kids die already?!” remarked the Reverend.
Magloofabits was happy with the turnout for the event, and offered an appreciative wave to his supporters before departing into the woods to start his 25-mile circuit. The run was cut short a mere 268 feet into the woods, where Magloofabits lost track of the path he was on, tripped on a tree root, hit his head on a large piece of granite and passed out crying when he discovered that his bottle of Devil Juice brand whisky had been smashed in the fall. |
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I'm friggin' pissed!
Someone ate my last half gallon of vanilla bean ice cream that I had in the sub-zero walk-in freezer. It was clearly labeled "TINY WIGHT's VANILLA BEAN ICE CREAM, ASSHOLE. NO TOUCHY."
I just got back from the grocery store with all these sundae fixin's and now I'm standing here with MUD on my face. Whoever took that ice cream, I swear to you "I will punch your fucking lights out".
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