DYNAMO HABEEB ON THE DEADITES VIEW OF THE WORLD, THEIR EUROPEAN TOUR, AND UPCOMING INVASION OF BOSTON
by Mike Mars

I hate Dynamo Habeeb. I hate the Deadites, and I could care less about electronic music. Every dealing I've had with those people has been a catastrophe. So when Brian Goslow asked me to interview one of them I said "No!" In fact, I said, "No fucking way." But he asked nicely and promised me a big, big favor in the near future. So with a six pack in me and a bad attitude I traveled to a small coffee shop outside Worcester to meet the mad man known as Dynamo Habeeb. For those of you not familiar with Mr. Habeeb or his band The Deadites, Here is the Reader's Digest version.

The Deadites are an electronic shock/glam rock outfit (think: My Life with the Thrill Kill meets Alice Cooper on Monday night RAW and you're pretty close) who claim their musical endeavors are solely to fund their — and I quote — "Monster hunting crusade." The odd ball ensemble includes: a leggy dancer named Mistress X, a giant bass player named Ethan Magloofabits, the throaty back vocals of super vixen Donna Matrix, on percussion leering luchadore (who claims to rule his own country) The Vigilante, and the time traveling keyboard player Silica. The troupe is lead by programmer keyboard virtuoso Tiny White, a slick S.O.B in a hockey mask and a 500 dollar suit, and, of course, the vocal stylings of Mr. Habeeb (did I mention he claims to be over 200 years old). Well to make a long story short, it was every bit as bad (if not worse) then I feared it would be. I did my best to ground him in reality but, well, here it is — no editing, no tampering. A complete transcription of my dreadful little sit down with a man we should be at least a little afraid of as he lashed out on everything from their Wormtown Sound Awards Nomination (best pop act), to the intellect of youth, and every taboo in between.

Mike: OK lets get right into it. What are your thoughts on the Wormtown Sound Awards?

Dynamo: A long drawn out joke. I'm not surprised we won (best pop act) but they made us wait like eight weeks for that piece of trash award.

Mike: You mean the shovel?

Dynamo: Yeah. That thing fell apart before we even got back from England. I'm gonna use it to dig Brian Goslow's grave.

Mike: Grave?

Dynamo: Yeah grave, you deaf and ugly?

Mike: So you're threatening Brian Goslow?

Dynamo: No I'm guaranteeing I'm going to choke him with that stupid little worm (referring to the worm on the trophy) then bury him along with all the Gearhead CD's ever produced.

Mike: Do you feel Clutch Grabwell deserved to win?

Dynamo: They didn't, we did.

Mike: OK I'll humor you. Before the "recount" did they deserve to be the best pop band in Worcester?

Dynamo: That's why this thing was such a damn joke. You figure if there's like 4000 people voting, at least a quarter of them are at least partly retarded.

Mike: Come on now —

Dynamo: Well, they'd have to be. How else, do you reckon a band fronted by a guy who looks like Drew Carey on a slim fast binge could get so many votes? They're just lucky we were out of the country or else Clutch Grabwell would have finally got their

Mike: yeah, yeah, yeah — head or back or leg? You're getting predictable Mr. Habeeb. Ummm — How did the UK tour go?

Dynamo: Touring the UK is like touring the Deep South.

Mike: How so?

Dynamo: Everyone hates baths and toothbrushes and you can't understand a word anyone has to say.

Mike: So you won't be going back anytime soon —

Dynamo: I'd rather have sex with Princess Diana's dead corpse

Mike: That's terrible.

Dynamo: It's not so bad, it's just not something I'd like to do all the time.

Mike: You tend to call a lot of people stupid.

Dynamo: A lot of people are: kids, adults, old people, politicians, priests — dumb, dumb, dumb. You ask a high school kid Ronald Reagan's biggest accomplishment and they'd tell you how cool it was when he road that dinosaur to rescue the Michael Jackson puppet in that Genesis video. Dumb kids make dumb kids who grow up and join dumb bands to fill up all the dumb clubs.

Mike: By dumb clubs you're at least alluding to the Lucky Dog.

Dynamo: perhaps —

Mike: Why do you play there so much then? You obviously don't like it.

Dynamo: There is always one really good guy involved in the joint. Lance (Cole) was always really good to us from way back in the Ebar days. Now Bill Co owns the place and that makes it 100 times better because you damn well know he makes sure we get paid. Not even Godin is dumb enough to screw with that guy.

Mike: What exactly is your problem with Mr. Godin?

Dynamo: Dealing with Erick Godin is kinda like being an altar boy —

Mike: — oh boy —

Dynamo: Keep showing up and you'll get it in the ass sooner or later.

Mike: My god. You know they're never going to print this.

Dynamo: Of course not. It will take room away from listing the 50 bands you do like.

Mike: Are there any bands you do like?

Dynamo: In Worcester?

Mike: Yes in Worcester. (A minute of silence)

Dynamo: Jeff Staltair is OK.

Mike: Jeff Staltair from Huxley?

Dynamo: Yah.

Mike: Jeff from Driftwood?

Dynamo: It's the same guy you know.

Mike: Yes I know it's the same guy but its just one guy.

Dynamo: You some kinda math whiz or somethin'?

Mike: What's wrong with the rest of Huxley?

Dynamo: They had a pretty good spot as the ugliest band in the city till that Torbin guy joined.

Mike: Do I dare ask what difference he made?

Dynamo: That guy instantly transformed them to the ugliest band in the world.

Mike: Torbin Harding is not a bad looking guy.

Dynamo: Whatever turns you on but when you see your boyfriend tell him his brothers Jean and Dean Ween are looking for him. They're terribly worried.

Mike: OK moving right along, what bands do you listen to?

Dynamo: Is this some kind of Tiger Beat interview or something? You gonna ask me if I got a girlfriend?

Mike: I could ask you what the deal is with you and Donna Matrix.

Dynamo: I could stab you with your short ribs — I only took this interview cuz I thought I'd get to talk about the mission —

Mike: I refuse to try to conduct a serious interview if your gonna talk about you and your little friends pretending to hunt monsters. Now lets finish up. What do you think of some of the new bands making noise in the city?

Dynamo: Noise is right.

Mike: Please Mr. Habeeb.

Dynamo: Like who? It's not like I listen to you and Shadow Steven's step child's crappy radio show.

Mike: How about Suicide While Driving? It must be nice to have another electronic band in the city.

Dynamo: It must be nice to make your name from a Goth Madlib's book.

Mike: OK, what about 9 Volt Superhero?

Dynamo: The Who cover band?

Mike: No that's Ed Barnett's other band. OK, how about Art Student?

Dynamo: Never heard of them.

Mike: How about Widemouth [Slave to Marie]?

Dynamo: The Who cover band?

Mike: That's Ed Barnett's — oh forget it — . I hear a lot of KMFDM and Pop Will Eat Itself, even a little Information Society in Tiny White's program.

Dynamo: Yah well Tiny Whight don't listen to none of that stuff.

Mike: what does he listen to?

Dynamo: Sade.

Mike: Come on.

Dynamo: Come on yourself.

Mike: Your trying to tell me that sword-wielding, hockey mask clad lunatic sits home chain smoking and listens to "Sign your name across my heart" — and this inspires him to write songs about hunting monsters.

Dynamo: Terrance Trent Darby wrote "Sign Your Name Across My Heart."

Mike: Arrrrr — .

Dynamo: Doesn't Ed Barnett look a lot like that mannequin that was in the Monkeys' apartment?

Mike: You have quite an ego.

Dynamo: Comes with the territory.

Mike: What territory would that be?

Dynamo: Being the best.

Mike: How can you think you're the —

Dynamo: — Do you know who your talking to son? I once robbed a bank with James Brown. Knocked out Mohammed Ali cuz he called Johnny Cash ugly. I did shots with Diamond Dave in a Jell-O filled hot tub fulla naked big titted midgets and that was all before breakfast.

Mike: Wha —

Dynamo: Shut up and listen chump. I sing so pretty I make all the girls shiver, and I can back it up too. I'm so good in bed my dick gets its own dressing room. Kid I'll kick your ass and look soooo good doing it you'll have fantasies about it for the rest of your life — wait what was I talking about?

Mike: You're the best —

Dynamo: You're damn right!

Mike: OK before I walk right into anymore of those we should wrap this up. Is there anything you'd like to plug?

Dynamo: Hell I got tons of shit going on. We would have talked about it all but you can't interview worth a damn. I got movies, comics, and a couple of big shows.

Mike: Shows?

Dynamo: Yah. One at the Dog on the 14th, then one in Somerville on the 21st at the Good Time with my buddies MotoKops 2K.

Mike: Wow. All that and saving the world?

Dynamo: Yah and we didn't even talk about the boy band I'm managing.

Mike: This is against my better judgment but, what boy band?

Dynamo: Its called "In Dinks." Picture this, Captain PJ, Hank Scorpio, Brian Goslow, and Gabe Rollins all in cut offs.

Mike: You really think you're something.

Dynamo: As the great Rick Flair use to say, "You can love it, hate it, but learn to live with is cuz it's the best thing going."

Mike: You really have a problem.

Dynamo: No it's not me that has the problem, it's you and all of this shitty city that has the problem.

Mike: How do your figure?

Dynamo: It's not a problem that I know I'm the best, it's that all of you know I'm the best. As soon as you come to grips with that you will be a lot happier.

The Deadites play the Lucky Dog Music Hall, 89 Green Street, Worcester on Friday, June 14 with the Average White Boys and Soultear; the following Friday, June 21, they make their Boston area debut at Club Good Times, 30 Sturtevant Street, Somerville, (617) 628-5559. Mike Mars co-hosts "Worcester Rocks" every Sunday afternoon on WORC 1310 AM.

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